a tribute to my cousin ...

Dear World


Its not been a good week ..as news came in that the cousin I grew up with had died from a heart attack.He was only 51years old. Someone who had laughed ,cried and fought with me ...

like a movie film shots passed thru my head of him, doing ridiculously random cooking experiments on Sunday ... as the kitchen was turned upside down... as whatever he read and saw on tv got translated on to our sunday lunch ...all with a Indian twist .. as he sweated and smiled and poured in all kinds of juices to make the gravy ...to give it a extra "yummy" favour ..as he riddled the maids with all kinds of stories and made them giggle and do his bidding ...

He was the one they turned to if they needed things urgently and he sneaked them in and then threatened to expose them ....all in good fun..


He was there behind the scenes when dad died and all of us were not in a fit state to do anything ... he was there when we cried and laughed ... and on my bad days to torment me about my kajal ....

He took our ribbing of him as Ramarajan ...aunt used to get upset that her son was labeled such ...but then he resembled him but he was a well dressed and had good dressing sense ... unlike the actor..

Marriage and family commitments took him further away to the west of singapore ...even though singapore can be reached in half an hour ...it was a distance of mind rather then ....kilometers or miles..

Those rare moments that we met ...his eyes always watered and his lips trembled with love and affection ...

My last call was in January when I informed him about a wedding in the family .. ...


But when sets me thinking now is life is so short .. i feel that it is closing in on me and I have not done or had things that matter in life ... I have not enjoyed things so many take for granted in life ..

Its just like at a wink of the eye ....My life has fast forwarded and I find myself now here in time... I pushed on to go with the daily grind of responsibilities .. the ones cast on me but I have lost so much that is suppose to be one birthright ..I thought it was ..maybe not its a privilege enjoyed by GODs chosen ones .....

Here I am waiting ...told to wait "your time will come " ... or now is not the time ...next year ... is what i am told. .. but my time is running out fast from under my feet ...will I go to my grave ...before i have felt i got what I am searching for ...

I feel time leaking out of my clenched hands ....